I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
