Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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