Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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