Soap is not a condiment
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
