White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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