he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
