I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
