I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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