I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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