he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
