I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
