Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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