take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
