My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
