so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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