VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
