Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
