when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
