I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
