tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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