How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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