This is not my ceiling
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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