Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
that's an acceptable place to lick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
