Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
