There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
