ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
