i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
