I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
