Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
