Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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