I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
