Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
