She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
