Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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