barbara walters just said penis...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
