You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
