it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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