ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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