just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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