Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
