I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know her cup size but not her name....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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