I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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