Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
