I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
