i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
