If that was your dad, he is hot
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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