ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
