oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
