never play flip cup with pint glasses
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
