Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
