Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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