oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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