You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i would punch a child for taco bell
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
