i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
