Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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