you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
