sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
